Part I - General Information:
1) What is your first name? ______________________________________________
2) What is your last name? ______________________________________________
3) Please repeat your last name __________________________________________
4) Spell your last name backwards ________________________________________
5) How many letters are in your last name excluding your middle initial? _________
6) What instrument do you play? _________________________________________
7) If not accepted for this position, would you be willing to learn a different instrument? ___________________
8) So far, who is your favorite member of Battery Apple? ______________________
9) How many concurrent jobs did your girlfriend work to be able to buy your guitar? ___________________
10) Would you be willing to die to get this gig? Y/N (circle one)
11) Tell the truth - which BA member are you most attracted to? Tom / Dave / Mac (circle one)
12) You really meant to circle Tom, didn't you? Y/N (circle one)
Part II - Multiple Choice:
1) "Amp" is an abbreviation for what word?
a) Lamp
b) Amputee
c) Amplifier
d) Stampede
2) You have 6 strings on your guitar. You break one. You borrow one from your singer but it's the wrong gauge. You use it anyway and it breaks. How long have you been playing guitar (# of days):
a) 155
b) a fortnight
c) 3.14
d) eleventy-six
3) "Cab" is an abbreviation for what word?
a) Cabriolet
b) Cabernet Sauvignon
c) Scab
d) Cabinet
e) Lamp
4) How many speakers are in a 4x12 speaker cabinet?
a) 12
b) 4
c) 36
d)16
e) x
5) "Valve" is to "Tube" as "Transistor" is to...
a) Radio
b) Solid State
c) Aorta
d) Ventricle
e) Oscillator
6) "Bass" is to low as "Treble" is to...
a) ohms
b) flangers
c) trouble
d) b and c
7) Female admirers of musicians are called...
a) groupers
b) band aids
c) support ho's
d) groupies
e) groupees
f) toupees
g) drummer's wives
h) all of the above
i) some of the above
8) What do you call a trombone player with a pager?
a) an optimist
b) an optometrist
c) an opthamologist
d) an optimist
9) Chords are made up of...
a) wires
b) frets
c) notes
d) modes
e) other chords
10) Rent is...
a) something your girlfriend is required by law to pay
b) the Biblical term for "torn"
c) a nasty, nasty four-letter word
11) What was the name of your last band?
a) Black Diamond
b) Gypsy Rose
c) (color)/(number)
d) Black Gypsy
e) Diamond Rose
f) Iron Priest
g) Perforated Goat
h) Gnu ScenSayShun
12) The correct term for a section of music which has only vocals and no music is:
a) boring
b) acupolco
c) a capella
d) al dente
e) abbondanza
f) quid pro quo
Part III - True or False:
1) Speaker cables and instrument cables are interchangeable. True/False
2) The only song worse than Layla is the unplugged version of Layla. True/False
3) Your last band opened up for GreatWhiteLionSnakeZombie. True/False
4) Your last band came this close to getting signed. True/False
5) Your last band would have made it if only they'd have played more of YOUR songs. True/False
6) The real reason people came to see your last band was to hear you solo. True/False
7) The Violent Femmes are neither violent nor femmes. True/False
8) You feel the public needs to hear your version of "Little Wing" because it's different. True/False
9) You'd be willing to let us use your last name for the band name. True/False
10) Your girlfriend thinks you should write more songs about her. True/False
Please hand your completed test back to the Quizmeister. You will be notified shortly of your audition status. While you wait, feel free to tune your guitar. No, really. Tune it.
